Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
