Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
