i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
