You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
