he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
