Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
