proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
