1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
