he thought i was a dude.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
