My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
