Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
