He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
