I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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