She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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