I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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