Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
