So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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