Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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