the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
