Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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