you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
