but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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