Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
