Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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