I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
