Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
