Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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