You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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