Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
