I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
