You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
