Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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