Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
