I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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