Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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