Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
