New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
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She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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