i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
