I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have post one night stand depression
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
