dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
