I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
