I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
