the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
