I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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