I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
