Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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