dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
