he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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