i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Are we still banned from the library?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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