i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
