So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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