What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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