just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
