I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
