It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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