I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
