Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
