I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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