He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
