You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
