so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
