Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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