Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
