Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
