Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
