im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
