You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
