Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
